


and if tears are shed, they'd be tears of happiness

by exit_music



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Disaster Lesbians, F/F, Kinda?, Love Confessions, Love Poems, Self-Esteem Issues, This is so sappy, Truth or Dare, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 16:44:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17348837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exit_music/pseuds/exit_music
Summary: ‘‘Are you into someone, Chisato-chan?’’ The teal-haired girl pronounces her name like a dull blade, and Chisato does feel annoyed, to put it simply. Because Chisato doesn’t need a prince in shining armor, she got over it many years ago, when she realized how much she liked girls, but that doesn’t mean the implications of needing to be saved aren’t there. She just doesn’t want to be saved by anyone. Romance isn’t the answer for all your problems, you know, not everything about it is wonderful.‘‘Not really.’’ Chisato answers.





	and if tears are shed, they'd be tears of happiness

Chisato feels like a child all over again. Not that she ever had that much liberty, considering her career, but given what they’re doing, her feelings are pretty understandable.

She’s playing _truth or dare_ with Pastel*Palettes… yeah. Aya—the foolish thing—wanted to do so, and since the rest are as scatterbrained (well, Maya is more reasonable), they followed her little scheme. Most questions and dares are pretty simplistic, dumb things, like saying something embarrassingly ridiculous to their parents through the phone.

This time is Hina’s turn, and she looks at Chisato, eyebrows wiggling, which causes the blonde to wrinkle her nose.

‘‘Truth or dare?’’ Hina rests her cheek on her palm, grinning, as usual.

Chisato muses for a few seconds what to answer, but at this point is pretty obvious. Every time someone truth-or-dares her, she simply chooses truth. Easier, that is. ‘‘Truth.’’

Hina seems pleased, like that is what she wanted Chisato to respond. Chisato almost feels annoyed.

‘‘Are you into someone, Chisato-chan?’’ The teal-haired girl pronounces her name like a dull blade, and Chisato _does_ feel annoyed, to put it simply. Because Chisato doesn’t need a prince in shining armor, she got over it many years ago, when she realized how much she liked girls, but that doesn’t mean the implications of needing to be saved aren’t there. She just doesn’t want to be saved by anyone. Romance isn’t the answer for all your problems, you know, not everything about it is wonderful.

‘‘Not really.’’ Chisato answers, trying to show how indifferent she is.

Hina pouts, but tries again, as usual, ‘‘Are you suuuuuure? You’re pretty close with that boppin’ orange Hello Happy World girl.’’ And Chisato usually doesn’t mind Hina’s… interesting mannerisms, but having Hagumi being described as _boppin’_ kind of weirds her out.

‘‘Hagu is a wonderful friend, but I fear we have nothing like that.’’ Hagumi is a wonderful person indeed; hardworking and full of life, passionate and unique, but not exactly on Kokoro or Kaoru’s weird wavelength. Not a Misaki, either. Just Hagumi, and that’s _enough_.

Suddenly, Aya coughs, and Chisato realizes how everyone is looking at her with curiosity. She spaced out, apparently.

Hina and Eve start to whisper to each other animatedly, while Aya smiles at Chisato shyly, like feeling sorry for putting her in this mess. Chisato isn’t mad, exactly, but not super enthusiastic about the whole situation, so she deadpans at the salmon-haired girl.

‘‘I want to help Chisato get a girlfriend with a Bushido mindset!’’ The keyboardist exclaims wholeheartedly, brow furrowed with resolution, and Chisato looks like she has been shot, eyes wide open **.** Hina snickers.

‘‘Yup, Eve-chan! Like Bushido! Let’s help Chisato-chan!’’

… _Huh_?!

Chisato doesn’t get the meaning of this. Both Aya and Maya look flustered.

‘‘Chisato-chan likely doesn’t need help! So, um—’’ Aya tries to ‘save’ her, probably feeling guilty, however, Chisato cuts her off dryly.

‘‘I don’t need your help either, Aya-chan. And I don’t like anyone, so you two are saying pure nonsense.’’ And just like that, everyone knows the conversation has ended.

She wants a rest.

* * *

 

Chisato still thinks about it, though. Sometimes, her stare lingers on Hagumi. Was she always this pretty? The answer is probably yes, and she won’t ever ask something like that. Doesn’t dare to, for all her bravado. Chisato wants to accommodate her cowlicks, brush her short juicy citrus hair and maybe— maybe hold hands, while getting to know each other better through silly stories. Was she always like a sunflower, reaching for the unchanging daylight? The answer is probably yes, too.

Even so, she doesn’t like Hagumi that way. She can’t, because it’d make things difficult. And Chisato is like a black hole—a poisonous chimera—, if she touches Hagumi too much, she’ll wither her.

* * *

 

And when Chisato thought the conversation ended that day, Hina surprises her with a, huh, zappin’ idea. The platinum blonde just needs to leave a love letter on Hagumi’s locker, you know, the old-fashioned way. Naturally, she is resistant to the plan. She doesn’t like Hagumi that way, and so she says.

‘‘Chisato-chan, anyone with two eyes can see you have a thing for the girl.’’ Hina ponders for a moment, placing her finger against the corner of her mouth, ‘‘You’re right, though. Maybe three or four eyes would make it easier… But still! You obviously like her, and I wanna help. We’re friends, ain’t we?’’ She smiles, and Chisato sighs deeply, defeated. She doesn’t get the point of this. What would Hina win? _Nothing_. But Hina is kind like that.

Chisato rubs her wrists, ‘‘So… I just need to make a letter and do the locker thing, yes?’’

‘‘Yup!’’ Hina smiles brightly, showing her pearly teeth… What a wingman, eh. ‘‘And make sure to be suuuuper emotional and genuine and just completely un-Chisato-like! Okay?’’ She adds, and Chisato isn’t actually offended. Not fully. Well, maybe a little.

* * *

 

At first, Chisato thought it would be easier said than done to make a love letter for a person she doesn’t like romantically, but it was very easy. She simply wrote a poem. Even so, she still doesn’t like her in that manner.

 _Is that the truth, or I’m just being obstinate?_ she contemplated for a moment, chewing her pastel pink pen, looking at the nothing. Maybe it was about not wanting to let Hina be right? But she’s not that kind of person, as icy as she can be. She truly appreciates her bandmates from the bottom of her heart.

…Maybe she truly loves Hagumi, too.

* * *

 

Chisato shows Hina her poem, and her mint chocolate eyes become starry, sparkly, glittery and every possible synonymous.

‘‘Hehe! You truly took my advice to heart! This is very sweet and un-Chisato-like.’’ Chisato rolls her droopy eyes at that, crossing her arms.

‘‘Whatever you say.’’ She mutters.

‘‘Now, you gotta do the locker thingy! Prepared?’’ Hina asks, almost jumping on her place.

‘‘No.’’

* * *

 

The thing is—Chisato cowers in the face of Hagumi’s locker. She just can’t bring herself to leave the damn letter. _She’s just a black hole_. Her heart dances tap, accompanied by a deaf sound, which resonates agonizingly inside her eardrums. Ugh.

She backs down, and makes a quite pathetic attempt to leave. Maybe drink her favorite black tea and drown her sorrows afterwards, but not telling this to her bandmates. Thankfully (not), she accidentally brushes past someone sharply. Hagumi. Her heart thuds. Thuds, thuds, _thuds_.

‘‘Chi-chan?’’ The slightly younger girl looks over her shoulder at the static blonde, happy to see her for a moment, but— ‘‘Are you okay?’’ _Oh no, she’s worried now_.

‘‘Y-Yes.’’ Chisato gulps, squeezing and wrinkling the snowy white paper in her hands, which catches Hagumi’s attention.

‘‘What’s that?’’ Hagumi asks, pointing at aforementioned paper.

‘‘Ah—this is…’’ Chisato almost can feel a sweat drop furrowing her cheek.

‘‘You aren’t okay, are you?’’ Hagumi tilts her head, voice soft, concern all over her features.

Chisato more or less wants to cry, almost as if she was Aya.

‘‘Uh—Hagu—I—’’ Her voice breaks like a fragile glass. Hagumi nods, waiting for her to continue. She’s truly an angel.

‘‘You’re special to me.’’ Chisato murmurs. _I love you, I love you, I love you_.

Hagumi is expressionless for mere seconds, and— smiles. That little smile that catches a fire inside Chisato’s chest.

‘‘You’re special to me too, Chi-chan!’’ Hagumi beams.

But she isn’t getting the point.

‘‘You’re special to me too…’’ Chisato echoes.

‘‘Yeah?’’ The orange-haired girl looks confused.

Chisato can’t cower again, because she’s in love with the girl that is constantly reaching for the daylight. With the girl that tastes like sundae and shows the undeserving, filthy world a smile even in her most vulnerable moments. _That girl_. Hagumi Kitazawa.

So she hands her the poem and takes a deep breath, that annoying organ called heart tickling and juggling gymnastically.

* * *

 

_It’s her, with her carrot top hair and chestnut tree eyes,_

_with her fragile, but talented mind,_

_with her parted, flushed lips that never told a lie,_

_with her naive, vivacious nature, that is always so kind._

_Music notes are flowing through my veins,_

_as they wash all the pain away._

_My cold skin is met with warmth,_

_and I find I’m fantasizing thenceforth._

* * *

 

Hagumi looks at the sheet, then at Chisato, and so on for seconds, eyes wide open.

‘‘C—Ch—Chi-chan!’’ She cries out, startling Chisato.

‘‘It’s that bad?’’

Hagumi shakes her head furiously, tears gathering at the corners of her bright mandarin-brown orbs.

‘‘I-I love it.’’ A lump forms on her throat, and she can’t help but start whimpering quietly.

Chisato looks at everywhere, and is relieved when aware that nobody is looking at them.

‘‘That’s how I feel about you, Hagu. Um—You see—’’ Chisato isn’t known for falling lost of words, but the girl in front of her just has that effect on her. It’s kind of addictive, actually. It feels fresh, unknown.

‘‘People usually don’t like me. They think I’m boring, or too masculine and un-cute. Or something. You… truly like me that way?’’ Hagumi dries her eyes with the sleeves of her uniform.

‘‘You have no idea.’’ Chisato wants to laugh, but it’d be inappropriate, so she is satisfied with smiling.

‘‘Ah... Chi-chan?’’

‘‘Yes?’’

‘‘Can I hold your hand?’’

‘‘I’d love if you did.’’

Hagumi reaches out for Chisato’s hand, squeezing it gently.

* * *

 

Not everything about romance is wonderful, but when savoring Hagumi’s chapped lips, Chisato decides she doesn’t mind.

Thanks, Hina.


End file.
